Lara’s experience as a fertility patient led her to Dandi’s community where she now serves as Community Lead. In this post, she shares the rollercoaster ride that led her to her PCOS diagnosis, as well as her experience with IVF and secondary infertility.
My journey began in 2020, I went off birth control and never got a period. Naively enough for 3 months I thought I was actively trying to get pregnant. But guess what? No period, no ovulation, no pregnancy. Turns out, high school health class didn't cover all of the important stuff.
After months of no luck, I ended up on this rollercoaster of treatments. We started with 2 rounds of a medicine called Clomid (to try and trigger a period) and when that failed, I was quickly dismissed by my OBGYN and sent to a fertility clinic.
Because this is such a taboo and often hidden topic, I just listened to my doctor and didn't ask many questions.
I went to the first clinic and provider on her recommended list. I then spent a year at a top NYC hospital under the care of a provider who told me:
- you're too stressed
- you're too skinny
- you should go on the "supersize me diet" and you'll get pregnant soon enough
80% of fertility patients experience clinical levels of anxiety & depression
Fast forward 8 months under his care: 8 negative pregnancy tests, 6 medicated timed intercourse cycles, 3 IUIS, tons of pills that drove me crazy with side effects like weight gain, depression, and acne. Still no baby.
It felt like every friend was surpassing me in getting pregnant easily, and I quickly slid down the slippery slope of anxiety and depression. Aside from the support of my husband, I felt extremely alone.
What I didn’t know is that I was part of the staggering 80% of fertility patients who experience clinical levels of anxiety & depression.
When you hold onto so much hope every month just to see negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test it can feel extremely defeating and isolating. I was CRUSHED.
After getting nowhere fast and feeling like I was just hitting brick walls at every turn, I finally opened up and found my people in the fertility community. Here I learned that seeking a second opinion is normal, and sometimes very necessary.
I switched to Dr. Lucky Sekhon at RMA and things started to look up. She had a bedside manner and understood me. It was then, a year into my fertility journey, that I learned I have PCOS and a slightly blocked fallopian tube.
How in my 30 years of life had no gynecologist and even a previous fertility doctor given me this diagnosis?! It goes to show the extreme lack of education we as women have when it relates to our own fertility health.
With this diagnosis, I learned my best bet would be IVF.
And finally, the process sped up: 18 months, 2 egg retrievals, 110 shots, and 100 doctors appointments later, I was pregnant and had my daughter via IVF.
The Importance of Community
I was someone who was extremely triggered by pregnancy posts, but even more so I was triggered by the people I knew who went through IVF and weren’t talking about it.
To each their own on how much they want to share their personal stories, but I just couldn’t believe how few people in my bubble spoke about their experiences. So I set out to make others feel less alone in whatever small way I could.
I posted about my experience on my Instagram and was SHOCKED at the outpour of messages I received from acquaintances, friends of friends, and even my parents' friends who told me they themselves conceived via IVF 30+ years ago.
Within that year I became a go-to friend for 15+ women who were starting to navigate the process themselves.
It felt so good to help or "give back" in whatever small way I could, even if it was just to be there for them to vent, to hear their pain, to help be their cheerleader.
From Community Member to Community Lead
It was then that I found Dandi Fertility's Community Group and started to become involved by answering questions or giving peer-to-peer shared experience when I could relate.
This is what ultimately turned me from a Dandi community member, to Dandi's Community Lead: managing our Ambassador Programs and WhatsApp Community groups.
I am so passionate about being involved in the community and although it's heartbreaking to hear the countless stories of struggles and sometimes failures, it's so important for us all to continue showing up for one another by sharing our experiences.
I am so grateful to all who have joined our ambassador program and are dedicated to advocacy and education in this space. Their voices are helping so many others feel less alone.
I am proud to have helped build a community group that allows space for more intimate chats on different fertility topics spanning loss, surrogacy, egg and sperm donor use, secondary fertility; the list goes on.
Having the support of even one person whose experience is similar can make a huge impact.
Each fertility journey is unique and even if your experience looks entirely different from someone next to you, it might look entirely the same to someone from afar.
Holding onto hope because of someone else’s success story was certainly helpful for me as I navigated through it and encouraged all to be proud to share their stories.
Another Curveball: Navigating Secondary Infertility
Even after being immersed in the fertility community, I was naive when it came to secondary infertility.
I thought, “Okay, we’ve done all of the hard work. When I’m ready for another child we’ll just pop in an embryo and be good to go.”
I was wrong.
I was surprised to find out I had scar tissue in my uterus and would need a hysteroscopy surgery followed by a week of a uterine balloon.
I was surprised by the cramping and discomfort I’d have to endure again. I was surprised to experience a failed transfer and navigate more utter heartbreak while trying to hold it together for my family. I was surprised that my timeline for a second child wasn’t under my control.
Even with a baby at home, none of it is easy. At times, it felt like a full-time third job.
I am so fortunate to have had the Dandi community to rely on to get me through the new unexpected twists and turns. The advice and shared experience helped me better advocate for myself for new protocols and new education.
I was able to take the advice learned from the community and discuss with my doctor for my second transfer. Despite my setbacks and unexpected timeline, I am delighted and eternally grateful to share that I am now 22 weeks pregnant with my second child via IVF. My wish is to give even one person a glimmer of hope that they too will reach their happy ending, even with a "poorly graded" embryo.
Leyla, Dandi’s Chief Clinical Officer, is an absolute god-send. I am so grateful to have been able to seek her support to understand lab results and ask medical questions.
There really is no one else to call at 8pm when you have new allergic reactions to progesterone shots you’ve done before! Although, now with Dandi's team of fertility nurses available for virtual consults, women all across the US have that extra support they need outside of their clinic.
So if you are on a journey, I invite you to join us on WhatsApp. You’re not alone 💛
