When family building doesn’t go to plan, it can be one of the most stressful medical and emotional challenges that people experience. From decision making fatigue to the sea of uncertainty around every corner, the challenges can feel endless. I have yet to meet someone going through fertility treatments who doesn’t experience a significant level of anxiety alongside these challenges. It is normal to be anxious through fertility treatments, but I know it can feel intolerable at times too.
The good news is, there are evidence-based practices that you can use to decrease anxiety, no matter where you are at in your process. Here, we will explore 3 ways to intentionally move through your treatment cycle to reduce anxiety and increase a sense of well-being. This can help your fertility process to be more sustainable, particularly if you find yourself in a longer passage than you might have expected.
1. Control the Controllable
One of the primary sources of anxiety during fertility treatments is uncertainty. Juggling shifting protocols, timelines, and unknown outcomes is enough to make anyone anxious. You are totally out of control of the process and it can be quite disruptive to your day-to-day life, which only adds to the anxiety building internally. You’re putting your physical, mental, emotional, and financial health on the line without a guaranteed outcome. Yikes!
To counter this anxiety, we want to focus on the categories of life that are in your control. When you start to spin out about the above uncertainties, turn to a list of strategies that help you to feel in control of some element of your process. It can be helpful to make a list on your phone or somewhere that you can easily access when you feel anxious. It’s hard to think of positive coping mechanisms when you are flooded with anxiety, so having a predetermined list available can be much more accessible in these moments.
Some suggestions for your “healthy coping mechanisms” list:
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Documenting Keep a running list of questions that you want to ask your doctor so that you can rest assured you won’t forget when you get those precious few minutes with your provider at your appointment time.
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Reflecting Keep a journal to process emotions and milestones in your process. Avoiding anxiety is the surest way to fuel it. It’s so important to let yourself feel the uncertainty, anger, grief, or anxiety that comes up throughout your process. It’s also important to give it containment through an activity like journaling so that it doesn’t overtake your entire day.
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Planning If you are a planner, take the time to create your own organizational systems for your cycle. Create a calendar, set reminders for when to give yourself injections, or make instructions that you can set out, so that you feel as much in control as possible. If you’re specifically anxious about your injection protocol, you can also plan ahead for some extra support. Through Dandi, you can schedule a fertilty nurse to help you unbox your meds or administer an injection, virtually or in the comfort of your home!
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Self Care Invest in yourself and your health. Prioritize daily rituals like gentle exercise, nutrition, mindfulness activities, and social connections to minimize isolation and increase confidence that you are doing everything in your power to have the best outcome possible. Investing in Dandi’s injection comfort kit is a another great way to provide yourself care and comfort through the uncertainty of your process.
Consistent attention to the small things, such as those listed above, are what creates the biggest changes in your physical and mental health outcomes. They create structure and routine for you through an otherwise erratic medical journey. These practices also help you feel like an active participant, particularly during the waiting phases of your process, which are generally the most anxiety producing.
2. Plan for the Waiting Period
Speaking of waiting, we all know the whiplash of the hurry-up-and-wait cycle that is associated with fertility treatments. The waiting period is often the one that feels the most helpless and stagnant for folks. Waiting for your period to come, waiting for test results, waiting for that follow up appointment that is months away, etc. These stretches of time can create a spiral of anxiety in the mind and the body.
Instead of allowing these empty spaces to be driven by fear, consider planning for them with intentionality. This will help distract you from the worry you may feel. It will also increase self-confidence as you utilize the time to make progress in other categories of your life that are in your control.
Activities to fill the time can include:
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Creative outlets Take up a ceramics class or try your hand at a new puzzle. Give your mind a different project to focus on.
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Professional outlets Take a course or workshop that will enhance your career or boost your resume.
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Giving back Find a service project, volunteer opportunity, or family member to assist. Focusing on others provides immeasurable benefits for them and for you.
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In Person Connections Prioritize social outings with people that feel supportive and positive. Go for a hike, meet up at a park, host a game night, etc.
These activities will not only distract you during your waiting period but will also enhance your wellbeing in other categories of your life. You can’t eliminate anxiety, but you can reduce the opportunities that it has to spin out of control by filling the spaces with positive distractions and opportunities for growth.
3. Strengthen Your Support System
It can be quite isolating to go through fertility treatments, especially when it appears that your peer group are quickly building their families while you continue to wait. Many people feel more distant from friends and family while they are traversing fertility treatments. It can feel hard to find people who understand, much less those who don’t say something totally inappropriate. Yet social and emotional support are one of the most critical components of coping with treatment anxiety.
Facing one of the most intense anxieties without social support is not in your best interest, nor is it sustainable. Mental and emotional support is imperative.
Here are a few ways in which you could access support:
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Connecting with a reproductive mental health therapist. There are many people who say they specialize in fertility but it’s important to find someone with significant fertility training, who is qualified to navigate this uniquely sensitive process with you.
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Having a partner, family member, or friend attend medical appointments with you. There are so many appointments and it can be easier to go alone but this is a tangible way others can show up for you and offer support.
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Finding friends who can check on you during treatment milestones. It takes a little trial and error to determine which friends are responsive in a helpful way. Once you have identified a couple people, communicating how and when you want check-in’s is helpful in setting them up for success and getting you the support you actually need and deserve.
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Setting boundaries around when you don’t want to talk or discuss your treatment process is also an act of support. If it increases your anxiety or isn’t helpful, it’s okay to say “No thank you!” – even to your mom!
Prioritizing Your Mental Health During Fertility Treatments
We have covered several ways that you can cope with anxiety and manage your experiences throughout treatment. Hopefully, it’s clear that fertility is not only a physical experience but also an emotional process that unfolds over a significant period of time. Integrating mental health support alongside your treatment cycles is highly recommended.
By focusing on what you can control, planning for waiting periods, and strengthening your support system, it is possible to move through your treatment cycles in a more manageable way that increases your emotional resilience and decreases anxiety. Caring for your mental health during this process is not only beneficial but essential for your well-being. I’d love to be a support along your process!
